Bali Hai! (or maybe a little too high...)

Two down, two more to go. Then Facebook albums uploaded, and I'm done for a while, as it's past time to focus on work.

Appropriate song lyrics: “Let the stories be told, let them say what they want...
let the good times roll…”

One of the more popular activities for tourists in Bali is the trek up Mt. Batur, a volcano that while not currently active, cannot be called extinct any more than any other in Indonesia. Calling a volcano extinct in this part of the world is like calling your neighbor's mean dog harmless...you hope your words will simply make it so. Not!

I revealed my inexperience when I asked "what time will we meet up to ride to the trail head?" I had been told we needed to leave at 2:30, and assumed that meant 2:30 in the afternoon. No such luck. The trek begins between 2:30 or 3:00 each morning, as teams of trekkers try to reach the top of the volcano before sunrise, since the beauty of the sunrise over Mt. Batur is quite beyond description; it can only be photographed and shared.

I carried a laptop bag (the smallest piece of luggage I had) containing two huge bottles of water, and decided to leave one behind in the jeep to save weight. In the darkness at its base, the mountain only cast a black shadow against the stars. As my friends and I set out with our guide, it revealed nothing of the sharpness of its rocks, or the steepness of its rise. We were also accompanied by a drink seller, a young man whose main source of income is to accompany groups of tourists to the top of the mountain and sell beverages to them once they have reached the summit.

Special to Men Over 35

Do not attempt the trek up Mt. Batur under any circumstances unless you have met the following conditions...

1. A complete cardiac exam with an EKG and stress test on a treadmill within the past 3 months, all results normal or better
2. No medical history of angina, asthma, hypertension (that’s me) or any other pulmonary or cardiac anomaly whatsoever, even if controlled with medication...your medication controls it on flat land when you are not climbing the face of a volcano
3. Regular strenuous exercise as part of a normal fitness routine that has included intensive cardio and weight training, at least three times per week, for longer than one year
4. An understanding of the fact that your "normal range" EKG results from two years ago do NOT mean that your body is prepared for this activity

Halfway up Mt. Batur, I realized that I was experiencing dizziness and slight chest pain…probably from the high elevation. My pulse had quickened to an alarming rate, and I determined that I could not continue. Our guide would have none of that, saying "We go up together, we go down together. No one is Left Behind!" Obviously, he didn't get the memo about the Javanese meaning for my name. (Ke-ri in Javanese means the One Who is Left Behind.)

Having already agreed to carry my bag, our guide asked a favor from drink-selling guy. And he called in a pretty big one, too, since the next thing I knew, the drink-seller took my hand in his, so that he could lead me and assist me the rest of the way up the mountain. Our guide was afraid I’d pass out and hit my head on a rock.

At this point, all I could do was apologize to the others. Saying that I was “fine” to climb a volcano when I strongly suspected that I wouldn’t be in shape to do it was the stupidest thing I’ve done in a long time, and could have cost me a lot more than embarrassment.

I wouldn’t say that I was completely humiliated by having another man hold my hand to assist me up the side of the mountain. I think it’s most accurate to say that I was comprehensively humiliated. And it was 100 per cent my own fault. I got taken to school big time by this mountain, and thought my stamina wouldn’t be an issue, since I walk everywhere I go in tropical heat. But I go at my own pace. The trek had a pace all its own. The three young women in our party kept up just fine, but as the lone dude, I quite literally needed my hand held.

Mark, Jonthon, Paul, Michael, if you read this, lemme just say that while I missed you guys on the trip to Bali, male colleagues witnessing my getting taken to school by Mt. Batur would have been just the thing to complete my comprehensive humiliation. (Great new concept :)

Give me this much, though…how many men would actually post this story and tell the whole damn truth about the hand-holding?

We took frequent breaks for me to rest—about every 30 feet. We knew we’d miss the sunrise, but somehow, some way, we didn’t!

We reached the summit only a few moments behind most of the others. Even in the tropics, the air at dawn was freezing atop Mt. Batur. Inside a small wooden hut, a wonderful fire was going, built by the members of the drink-selling concession, who had coffee, tea, and a mug of hot chocolate that helped bring me back to life. After I drank it, I bought a coke from the drink-seller who held my hand - I paid him 100,000 rupiah - about 12 bucks. He had earned that much and then some.
















































Another guy said not to be embarrassed, since he needed to be helped up the mountain, too. He appeared to be at least 60. Dude, shut up, already!

On the way down, another guide revealed himself to be a 19-year-old kid who knows the names of all 50 U.S. states and their capitals.

Low-grade fever kept me in my room most of the following day, but with the help of some Tylenol and a brisk walk in the evening to sweat it out, it finally broke. I felt much better, and enjoyed a really great dinner with my friends.

My plane wouldn't leave until noon the next day, so I went out later instead of going to bed. At the only open bar on our street, I spent the rest of my time on Bali hangin' out with a retired BBC reporter (British) and an Australian who had moved to the island recently. Male-only conversation and absolutely none of it blog-able. And right about then, that was just fine.